Luna Does Nothing Wrong
by roronoapedro
Summary: In these stories, Luna Lovegood does absolutely nothing wrong, and none of her friends suffer any consequences.


Hermione just wanted to enjoy her warm passion fruit tea. It was such a rare, quiet moment in the Common Room. It was her sixth year and the boys were out doing their thing, she was _actually _caught up in her homework, and tests were weeks away. A single day of nothing happening, where she could entertain relaxation and mindfulness.

Ginny's squirming on the couch next to hers did not fit her plans.

The redhead hadn't said a thing, but she was clearly uncomfortable. Or… something like that. Her lips were pursed in a thin white line, and her legs moved frequently. She was an anxious one, and Hermione didn't feel bad about saying she wasn't the brightest, but the girl wasn't stupid. She would be in the Infirmary if she was sick, and, as crude as it sounded, the bathrooms were _right there_. So, the brunette had no idea what the hell she was doing to her perfect day.

"_hm-mm_" Hermione cleared her throat to try to get her friend's attention. Ginny was darting her eyes left and right, and shifting in her seat like she was sitting on a hot stone. "_hm-mmmm_."

She finally looked at Hermione, apparently just noticing she was there.

"O-oh, um, are you sick, Hermione?" Why was her voice _quivering_ like that? "Do you w-want to go to the infir-_hooo_!" Her chest rose like she had hiccups, and her eyes widened like she'd been startled. For a second, Hermione thought she was having a stroke.

Ginny eventually settled down, red on the face and unable to take her eyes off of the floor.

"Ginny?" Hermione finally asked, at this point genuinely disturbed. "Do you want to… talk about anything?"

"_talkaboutwhat_?" She blurted out, quickly putting her hands together and placing them above her legs. "I didn't do anything!"

The older girl's frown assumed a configuration that exuded temperance, but also annoyance. The Granger Maneuver, as the Weasley twins called it.

"Ginny Weasley, you look like a tomato right now." God, she was going to make such a wonderful politician. She loved the sound of her own voice when she was telling people what's what. "What's going _on_ with you?"

"Um, um…" The young girl moved her head around and tried her hardest to not maintain eye contact. "You know. Nothing. This is just how I act."

Hermione closed her expression, staring deep into her eyes. Eventually, Ginny cracked under pressure.

"I didn't know it was gonna be like that, okay!" The girl looked like she was about to sob, but seemingly out of embarrassment. "She said it would go away earlier!"

"What on Earth are you on about?"

"I…" She looked around, paranoid, and Hermione thought she would admit to murder. They were alone. "_Luna_ _made me do it_."

"Ginny, you're scaring me." She wasn't. But it was curious. "What's going on?"

Ginny got up, stumbled a bit, and sat right next to Hermione. The girl hated having her personal space entered like that, but this sounded mildly serious; at least interesting. Ginny whispered in her ear what was happening.

Oh god.

"_What!_" Hermione startled her, turning so suddenly she almost slapped the redhead. "Are you _insane_! That's against the rules!"

"I know!"

"I'm almost sure it's _illegal_!"

"_I know!_" Ginny covered her face in shame, shaking vigorously for a second. "Oh god, no, no _no_—_oooh_."

Hermione was officially freaking out. "How long ago did she…?"

"Three hours!"

"Oh God, Ginny, you're sensitive to it."

This was bad. There were records of people spending entire days like this. Sometimes on purpose, but sometimes as an accident. People sometimes passed out and it didn't make it better.

"Help me!" At this point, Ginny was crying, her face seemingly unable to not blush. "I don't know what to do, and m-my brothers will arrive soon!"

Hermione grabbed Ginny's hand, dragging her to the girl's dorm. It was a holiday, so not a lot of people were around. She closed their curtains and cast a Muffliato Charm around them. When she mentioned that to Ginny, she let out a… _controlled_ yell while grabbing her belly. Hermione stared at her like she would at a bomb.

"Does it… hurt?" She asked, eventually, when Ginny stopped and didn't say anything.

"It does _not_." The girl whimpered. "Do you have a spell to reverse it…?"

"I… _should._" Hermione took a book out from under her pillow, a space she had long since charmed into being limitless storage for night reading. The tome was older than both women combined, and smelled like dust and old memories. "Hold on, there's a specific page that…"

Ginny grabbed her pillow and screamed into it, convulsing hilariously. Hermione expedited the searching process. She eventually found the spell, but it was complicated. She'd never practiced it before, but the chances of backfiring were slim.

"Okay, calm down, I got it." She pulled out her wand, and did an X motion into a stab. "_Latus noxa!_"

A black and white ray came out of her wand, and flowed into Ginny for a second. They both accompanied the spell with their eyes, until it finally stopped shining. There was silence for a second.

"Alright, how do you feel?" Hermione asked, smiling.

"I… _hkk!_" Ginny's torso shot up, as her eyes widened with shock.

"What? But how—_oh!_" Hermione suddenly felt something rip inside her. It did not hurt, but she could feel as if her entire body was aching all over. And then, it spread like a wave of warmth coming from her core. And _then_— "What is _happening_! How is this possible?! It's a spell that diffuses jinxes!"

"M-maybe it was a curse?"

Hermione stared at her, dumbfounded.

"Excuse me?"

"Maybe it was a curse, or… I don't know, maybe a hex?"

"You told me it was a jinx, Ginny, the spell I tried on you was to _stop jinxies_, if it _wasn't_ one—"

And there it was again. The same warm sensation, the feeling of having something fall into place and then be ripped from your flesh, the complete absence of pain where there probably should be, replaced with something _different—_

"God!" Hermione swore, taking her hand to her mouth. Ginny wasn't faring much better. "Do you not pay _attention_ to your _classes_?!"

"I didn't know Luna would try it on me!"

"_Didn't you say you asked for it?!"_

"_I don't KNOW anymore, Hermione!_"

Both, at the same time. They were synchronizing surprisingly well. After the convulsions and the empty feeling afterwards, Hermione touched her shoulder.

"Okay, we have to look for Luna. Where is she?"

"I… I think she… oh no."

"What?"

"She's with Harry today."

Hermione shoved her face in her palms, suddenly aware that her perfect day had ended only five minutes ago.

"_Why._"

"They're doing Quidditch practice, she said he'd help her out with it, I can't let him see— _argh_!" She imitated Hermione's face-in-palms gesture, but with a lot more force. "_Come on now!_"

"Okay. Ginny. Listen to me. Listen!" Hermione grabbed her shoulders, forcing the redhead to look into her eyes. "We're powerful witches. We've fought You-Know-Who and his Death Eaters. We're part of the Order. We're going to go there, and we're going to make Luna undo what-t-t-_tever sh-she did to…_" She couldn't keep eye-contact. Hermione let her head slump down.

"Are… are you okay?"

"_No!_"

When Hermione was younger and thought about what it would be like to have a group of strong, smart girlfriends, full of confidence and attracting looks everywhere, she liked to think she'd refer to the act of "power walking" as the "ride of the Valkyries". She had just seen the play for the first time, and loved the title. Over time, she realized that was incredibly cheesy, but always latched on to the idea with some fondness. Maybe one day.

This was not the ride of the Valkyries.

"Act _natural_, Ginny."

"I'm trying, I'm trying so hard."

They were squishing each other's hands enough that there would probably be bruises later, but a small sacrifice for the focus pain provided. The walk that was usually a pleasant 15-minute long stroll had proved to be a grueling half an hour ordeal so far, and they weren't even halfway done with it.

"I hate him." Ginny muttered, eventually.

"What?"

"I hate Harry. I never want to see his stupid face again."

"G-_ugh!_-inny, what are you _talking_ about?"

"This was all supposed to b-b-b…" Ginny stopped walking, and crushed Hermione's hand for a second. Then she continued, trying to keep her composure. "for _him_."

Hermione sighed, way too tired for this. "It's fine, Ginny. This is no one's fault. Except Luna's."

"She's the devil."

"I will not fight you on that." Hermione's turn to squish Ginny's hand. If anything, she needed to know _what_ the spell was called. That worked way too well.

"I see them!" The younger girl pointed up, and Hermione saw two small dots flying in brooms in the distance. She had an idea.

"Hang on." She took her wand out and pointed at their general direction. Her hand was shaking.

"Uh, Hermione?" Ginny looked at her worried, then scared. "Hey, I wasn't serious, I don't hate Harry like _that_—"

She had to phase out her voice. It needed to be a good shot.

"Hermione no! Don't do it! I'm sorry!" Ginny shook her, but the non-verbal spell was out. "Oh my god! You're gonna kill them!"

"No, you id…" Hermione took a deep breath, and caught herself. "No, Ginny. Look."

The small ball of light traveled rapidly to the brooms, stopping right in front of them. The far-away wizards stopped on their tracks, apparently confused. The sphere twirled around them, rotated around both, and went back to Hermione's wand. The wizards seemed to get the message.

Hermione was excited — _ugh_ — that this would all be over soon, but as she watched the figures go down, she realized, horrified, that Harry hadn't made it to his appointment.

"Oh, hey Hermione." Said Ron, clumsily climbing down from his broom. "What's up?"

Luna was by his side, stoic and slightly off as always. She had the smallest hint smile that Hermione couldn't help but think was ironic.

"N-nothing." Ginny answered, suddenly petrified. "I… thought Harry…"

"Oh, yeah, he's sick." The ginger smiled sheepishly, in that way that made Hermione melt, but _nonononoNO_

"_Fff_—!" Hermione pressed her hands against her mouth, shutting her eyes to focus.

"Wow, are you okay?" Ron closed in, attempting to hold her like she could fall down. Oh, that did _not_ help. His hands were the perfect size to hold her shoulders, and her mind just—

"_Iamfine_!" She blurted out, taking a step back. Not happening. This was not happening today. "Luna! Homework! You! Now!"

Ginny grabbed the Ravenclaw's wrist and pulled her in, to which she offered no resistance or verbal acknowledgement to. "I have homework too! With Luna! And Hermione!"

Both the Gryffindors started to drag the girl away by her hand. Ron was extremely confused.

"Uh, want my help with—"

"_NO!_"

They were gone before he could ask anything else.

A secluded enough spot where they knew no one would come around was the perfect place to shove Luna into a wall. Ginny was as angry as she was _affected_ by the magic.

"You!" The words seemed to fail her, but Hermione was sure the thoughts were scathing. "Your _thing_ is out of control!"

Luna's head tilted adorably to one side, and a look of pure innocence stared back at Ginny.

"I don't understand. Is it about your nightmares? Did you take the Ramcrook's elixir like I told you to?"

"Ramcrook?" Hermione asked, arms crossed. "That doesn't… that's not real, Luna."

"Oh." She said, more just vocalizing dull surprise than reaction. "I don't know about that. Have you tried—"

"LUNA!" Ginny yelled, legs shaking. "I CAN'T STOP! FIX THIS!"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Do you mean the lover's potion?" She clearly didn't mind being shoved against a wall like that, but there was genuine concern for Ginny's demeanor on her voice.

"Wait, a _love_ _potion_?" Hermione stepped in, ludicrously confused. "Ginny, you said it was a spell!"

"I thought it was a spell!" Ginny turned around, hysterical. "She pointed her wand at me!"

"Did you see anything coming _out_ of her wand?"

"No! I thought it was something new!"

"I just put it in your pumpkin juice, Ginny. I pointed at you for good luck, like the Pharaohs of old."

Ginny's head slowly turned towards Luna. She approached her as she spoke.

"You _drugged _me?"

"It's not a drug." She stopped, looking down. Then she looked up again. "No, actually, you're right. I hadn't thought of it that way. I drugged you."

"Love potions are illegal, Luna! You could go to jail!" Hermione pleaded, trying to step forward, and then clawing her palm with her fingernails. "_Uuugh! God—_of course the spell didn't work! It just diffused what was _afflicting_ you to me!"

"Oh? It's not a love potion. It's a _lover's _potion_._ It's very different." Luna easily escaped Ginny's grasp, retrieving from inside her robes a small pink bottle, with a smiley face for a cover. "See, it's perfectly legal."

"_Hang on._" Ginny snatched the bottle from her hands. Eyes wide open. Breathing stopped. A hand went to her temples, and Hermione thought she would faint. "Oh my god."

Hermione grabbed the bottle, and had a sinking, yet wholly unexpected realization. "This is from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes."

"_Your lovers will love you or you'll love your returns,_ is the slogan for that part of the shop." Luna's smile would be infectious if it weren't so… _mocking_, in that situation. Through no fault of her own. She was evil through no effort. "They said I wasn't really supposed to go in, but 'I was fit', so they gave me a pass. I didn't understand why they said I was in shape, but they gave me a discount on it." Luna stopped smiling, suddenly worried. "Did Harry not like it?"

"_Harry's not gonna use it, Luna._" Ginny had devolved into growling. "How do I make this _stop_?"

"Make what stop?"

"The bloody _potion!_"

"I don't know. Potions usually stop pretty soon, no?"

"It's been _hoooours_!" She started sobbing in the last sentence, dropping to the ground on her knees. "I don't want to stay like this forever!"

Hermione was so tired of sighing. This was a waste of time. "Come on, Ginny." She made the girl get up. "I have some benzoar in my room, let's just… muffliato my bed and see this through. Have some of Ron's secret chocolate, talk about our classes."

Ginny got up, not crying anymore. "But isn't this your free day? I don't want you to spend it with…"

"It's fine." She smiled, realizing she meant it. "I like spending time with you. Wouldn't have it any other way."

Ginny actually cried, and then hugged her. It proved overwhelming for both of them, in every way, but they didn't let go. It was just pretty hard to stand up. Luna kept staring at them, in her usual, loony way.

"Wow. Seems like the potion made you get closer."

Hermione felt the warmth again, but managed to keep her composure. She would _scream_ as soon as she reached her room. "Seems like it."

"Sounds fun."

"What?"

And with that, Luna opened the bottle, and downed the whole thing. Ginny and Hermione both reached out and yelled NO!, to no avail.

There was an incredibly tense, incredibly long moment of silence as they both watched the girl swallow the pink liquid, and put the bottle back in her pocket. Nobody moved expect Luna, with her usual smile.

"Tastes like bubblegum." And she had a small hiccup.

Then all hell broke loose.

"Oh. _Oh._" Her smile disappeared, then reappeared, then _glowed_, as she covered it with her hand. "Oh, _wow._ _That's_ what was happening. _Oh!_"

Ginny was too shocked to react. Hermione's mouth was agape.

"I… _ooooh, _that was a_ mistake. _Or maybe_ noooot…_" Luna put herself against the wall, eyes widened and darting around. She finally locked eyes with Ginny, who yelped. Eyes of a madwoman. "I'm sorry I only gave you so little, this is _great._"

"You know what." Hermione said, defeated. "Change of plans. Room of Requirement."

"Why?"

"All of us need to just… relax." She reached for her temples, wondering where her day had gone. "Spa day. Lock the door behind us. Scream the potion away. Emerge tomorrow. No one talks about this, ever."

Ginny pursed her lips and nodded. Luna tried moving forward, but fell on her face, laughing manically.

Hermione was surrounded by idiots. She wouldn`t have it any other way.

"Pffffhahaha! Hahah! Ginny, quick, touch my head! I think it might trigger it!"

On second thought, maybe some things could be different.


End file.
